(no subject)

[vernard]

I found out last week that my ex-wife is engaged to be married.

It actualy hit me pretty hard and I was quite disturbed.

I'm better now. Well, getting better at least.

Only mortal beings can believe in forever....

Comments

[dprescott.livejournal.com]

I can imagine that would be...weird.

[thegreyman.livejournal.com]

Hell I about cheered when I found out mine had done that. But all things are not equal in our respective divorces.

[vernard.livejournal.com]

I'm very glad that she has found someone to share her life with. Committment at the marriage level (if not the actual thing itself) is a wonderful thing that I think everyone should have an opportunity to enjoy.

[reannon.livejournal.com]

Yeeeouch. You just kind of expect them to stay miserable and pining away for us forever, yanno? :( That's not so much to ask.

[vernard.livejournal.com]

Actually, my ex-wife never really pined for me as far as I can tell. Remember, she left me. And all things considered, I hope she didn't waste any time doing that. The past cannot be changed. If you can't do something about a situation (such as the past) then to quote military colloquialism "Fuck It, Drive On."

Its just feels weird. Hell, I'm sure it'll feel even weirder if/when I re-marry.

[reannon.livejournal.com]

Yeah, my ex didn't pine for me either, just kind of wrote off our seven years as if they didn't happen. Not that I wanted sackcloth and ashes, but it would be kind of nice just to think that I was worth a tear, yanno? On the other hand, it's good that you don't wish her any ill. The friendly ex-relationship is always best.

Fuck It, Drive On. I'm remembering that.

[vernard.livejournal.com]

Oh its far from friendly. Its more like a non-relationship. We are complete strangers that don't intereact with each other at all. Her choice. I respect it.

[jerseygirl1.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it was really weird when I found out my Ex was remarried a year after we divorced.... let me know if you want to share a scotch and bs.

[vernard.livejournal.com]

Hell, like I need a reason to share scotch and BS :-)

I'm swamped until the end of the 18th but I'm making the rounds catching up with folks in person so be warned that you are in those plans :-)

[jerseygirl1.livejournal.com]

YEAH!!!! Sound's like fun!

[jerseygirl1.livejournal.com]

Mom flies in tomorrow night... why don't you come by my house Friday for lunch?

[vernard.livejournal.com]

I've got a job interview on Friday and I haven't gotten confirmation on the time yet. If its not a lunch thing then I'll definitely swing by.

[dragonbride.livejournal.com]

I can understand how that can be hard.

But I have to ask:

Were you "hit hard" by the idea that she has moved on or the idea of the marriage that no longer exists?
Does that make sense? Is one part of you missing her or the idea of marriage?

[vernard.livejournal.com]

Good question. I asked myself the same thing over and over when I found out.

What hit me so hard was the fact that they she feels ok to move on and I don't. Its pure jealously and envy. I've been dating the lovely zorathenne for a bit over a year now and to some level it still feels like cheating. Even though I've been divorced for a couple of years now. But It still feels like I'm doing something wrong. I guess I took my vows a bit too literally. I have a tendency to be single-minded like that at times.

I used to say that I was Angry Bitter Divorced Guy. I even warned zorathenne about it too. I didn't want her to think I was something that I wasn't. I often wondered if I really should even try being in a relationship with someone with the head issues I have.

Only time will tell.

[dragonbride.livejournal.com]

Sounds like you need complete closure on order to move on.
And then some relationships aren't as easy to get over. Sometimes it can take years, sometimes you never get over it.
You have to find the steps to move on and that sometimes means doing someting that feels like crap. Like making a phone call or meeting to get some things out.
Unfinished business is like a weed unchecked in your head and heart.

[jaguarraven.livejournal.com]

Hugs honey...

In some ways, it signals 'the end' in a way few other actions can.

[ludakiss.livejournal.com]

Even when we have moved forward, the past can still sting... but bandaid that sucker up and keep moving. :) *hugs*

[bheansidhe.livejournal.com]

I was talking... ranting, really... to sibylla recently, and the topic was love. Specifically, why love had to have a shelf life; how I could feel almost nothing for someone whom, I am quite sure, I loved truly and deeply and sincerely and all that. "How can I ever trust love again? How can love be real if it's.... finite?" I wailed.

To which she snapped back, "Life is finite. That doesn't make it any less real."

Wow. That rocked me the fuck back on my heels. Hoping it helps.

[vernard.livejournal.com]

I guess that is actually part of my problem. I am quite certain that love is infinite. Which is why I have some issues with how one has to move on.

What does move on mean when you say that you love someone forever? Its different for evernone else. I have to find a way to love someone else while not desecrating the existing love for someone else that will never return that love.

Its a strange thing. And its a fine line that I walk. but so far I've managed to do it. Only time will tell if I can keep it up for long :-)

[bheansidhe.livejournal.com]

Ooooookay.

1. Shall we get together and have lunch?

2. Let's get together and have lunch.

3. I don't know that it's different for anyone, really.

4. You have to find a way to love someone else without also needing to be up close and personal in their life. To love, but to stand away and not get involved when their actions hurt you. To love, but also to protect yourself from the fallout of that love. It's not the *love* that's the problem, it's the *attachment.* The two are not the same, IMHO.

5. Have lunch with me, damnit.

[vernard.livejournal.com]

*chuckle*

ok, lunch it is. I've got you phone number. I'll give you a call and we'll do the lunch thing :-)