Where I come from
Dec. 17th, 2005 04:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vernardI don't often talk about the folks that shaped my life. I can't really state why. I think its because in my mind, I'm a strange sort of shadow cast by the people that influenced me. I have my accomplishments but for the most part they are just a reflection of those that "made" me. And to me they are very
small compared to those that were my influences. Also, a part of me thinks that when you totally understand something that it doesn't need to be expounded upon. I thought I was pretty much an open book and therefore already understood.
Once you understand where a person comes from you can more easily understand where the might be headed. Understanding me isn't something that I promote. There are much better things to do with your time. But as I think now, maybe its because I don't really know where I'm going and that is a both
exciting and frightening at the same time. So by writing things down, I do better understand myself and perhaps I'll get a better idea of where I'm going.
Mr. Alton P. ("Pete") Jensen, Professor Emeritus of Georgia Tech's College of Computing, died peacefully at home on Sunday, February 6, 2005, at age 79. You can find a link to the press release
here.
This link might not be permanent so I don't know if it will work later. Images of him can be found here.
On November 17th, 2005, there was a tribute to Pete that was held in the Technology Square Research Bldg on 5th Street. I attended. It was a nice ceremony. Very much a celebration of his life. He had an impressive array of speakers including John P. Imlay Jr, Richard DeMillo, Jesse H. Poore, Lucio
Chiaravigilo, Ray Miller, Rich LeBlanc, Phil Enslow, John Gehl and Peter Freeman, Barry James Folsom and John Gehl. Newt Gingrich couldn't be there but tapes a very moving segment that was aired in his absence. If you don't know who those folks are then that is fine. They are the movers and shakers in the
academic IT world and are all centered around GA Tech which was the center of
Pete's life. Except for Newt. He was just a hanger on :-)
Pete is the guy responsible for "V". Deanna Barnes was responsible for the "letter". But Pete is responsible for the myth. Now its not his fault all by his lonesome. He had a lot of help you see. Mythologies like "V" are more than just one person. They are the collective efforts of tons of people. But there has to be someone that actually sparks the fire that starts the blaze. The catalyst. That was Pete. Yeah, and yet you never heard me speak of him before. Don't worry, the best stories are always like that. Bear with me, I'll get back to Pete in a bit.
But anyway, the strongest influenced upon me in my youth were my family. My
father, Charlie Frank Martin, gave me my sense of integrity and moral values
that have stuck with me to this day. I'm very proud of the fact that I'm named
for him: my middle name is "Charles". He used to say, "working smarter instead
of harder is fine but don't be afraid to just work hard."
My mother, Bradell Martin, gave me my sense of love and devotion that has been
both a boon and a curse to my relationships. I hate to give up on someone
simply because they are being stubborn. Relationships are a two way street but i'm silly enough to try to drive on both sides. She also taught me that
sometimes you have to just "whup some ass" to get your point across. Its the
only language some people will understand.
My grandmother, Cleotha Dennis ni Allison, gave me unconditional love and
instilled a sense of spirituality in me as a young child that started
me on my path towards spiritual enlightenment. It is a path that I still
travel today although I'm not quite sure she would recognize it were she alive
to see me. She also gave me habit of collection people as it goes. She called
them strays. My grandmother never met a stranger and I'm pretty much the same
way. She was the also the person that first got me into my love of
"preaching".
My brother Vincent gave me my twisted sense of humor and love for all things
fantastical and technological. I was both his sidekick and his equal at the
same time. He taught me how to be who I was and challenged me to be that
person every day of my life. Even when he didn't agree with who that person was.
My uncle Jimmy gave me my sense of adventure. He was the "never-do-well"
member of my family and also the one most like to call you from a jail in some
remote part of the world asking to be bailed out. Or steel your shoes before
he sneaked out of your house not to be seen for another year or two. He's dead
now. Died of infection from multiple knife wounds. Apparently he owed someone
money and hadn't paid them back. So they gave him some "reminders".
Now some say that friends are the family that we choose for ourselves. Strangely enough, it is sometimes the other way around. The folks that choose us become our friends and then family. There are bunch of folks in that category for me. But the most influential ones are few.
Mrs. Ida Burdette, gave me my sense of learning. She was the teacher of the gifted program in my small school system in Hogansville. She was the on that rescued me from the learning disabled program. I had tested for the gifted program and scored horribly. I mean really really horribly. They temporarily
placed me in the learning disabled because they thought I was dyslexic. There is nothing like being in the room with the folks that are drooling on themselves or throwing chairs through windows to make you feel "special". After 3 months there, they found there mistake and put me back into the normal classes. 9 months later, Mrs. Burdette made them test me again because she was positive that there was still some mistake and I pretty much aced the tests. So i started the Gifted program a year later than my peers. Apparently they had learned Spanish the year before and I had no clue what they were speaking when I arrived. But after a few months with the learning disabled kids, I could handle just about anything :-) In any event, she encouraged my imagination. She made it ok to be a geek (but not a nerd). She forced all of
us to have decent social skills and would not let us sit in our own little holes and just be "smart". She encouraged us to be people. When she retired, the gifted program was never the same again. I think most of us voluntarily chose to exit the Gifted program during the 10th grade since the new teachers just didn't "click" with us. I stayed in out of respect for Mrs. Burdette. Its what she would have wanted me to do. I think in the end, I was one of only 5 students out of 13 to stay in the program through graduation. And unfortunately the only Black out of the 4 that were in my class. I don't know know if that
made a difference in our lives in comparison but it certainly made a difference to me.
Scott Pfeffer and Byron Jeff. Two graduate students in the College of Computing. Heh. I'm sure that both of them would be truly amazed to find that I list them here. Scott was an uber geek. I mean so geek that other geeks though he was geeky. Probably also a nerd as well but its hard to tell as my opinion of nerds have changed over the decades. He was the one always showing me neat programming tricks on the HP 2620 terminal stations. He was the one that first showed me how what a UNIX shell "ksh" and how it was different from the toned down "freshmen shell" that I was using for my classes. He overwhelmed me with knowledge I couldn't understand but nevertheless thirsted to try and absorb. Scott and I lost contact after I graduated. He had some severe mental anxiety for years but finally managed to get himself re-centered. He now lives in Israel with his wife and child. He is still one of the smartest people I know
and I'm very glad that we have managed to re-connect after all those years.
One of Scott's best friends was Byron Jeff. Byron was like a big old teddy bear lumbering around the computer science building. He had an infectioussmile and laugh. I suspect my own grin is just a mimic of his in many respects. He took the time to explain all the things that Scott was slinging at my at near light speed and convert it into something that I could understand. I learned to program under his tutelage and first got my taste of being a teaching assistant. It was due to his recommendation that I got my first Teaching Assistant job as well. It was as a FORTRAN TA for John J. Goda. I didn't even know FORTRAN at the time. But Professor Goda, Byron and Scott all felt I knew enough to handle it. Turns out that I did. Go figure ;-) I still have a very healthy respect for the programming language FORTRAN to this day. Byron and I are still close to this day. I was the best man at his wedding and I worked with him for a couple of years down at Clayton State University. I was instrumental in helping him finish up his PhD and he is the closest thing to a brother I have outside of my genuine siblings.
And there is gus. Those of you at GA Tech know that William Augustus Baird (called gus at his own request) was my mentor during my undergraduate days. Anyone that has seen me teach a class knows that he is the number one influence on my teaching style. He is the reason that I want to teach college undergrads. Graduate school is where all the work gets done but undergraduate is where the learning gets done. And the more you teach, the more you learn. gus died many years ago from a heart problem. Strangely enough, he had survived a triple-bypass just a few weeks earlier and was well on his way to total recovery. Alas, his spirit was willing but the flesh was weak. I got the opportunity to speak at gus memorial service and it was both one the hardest things I've had to do in my life and also one of the most fulfilling. I got to share my memories of a man that strongly influenced my life for better or worse. And I got to hopefully show some of the better parts of him to folks that didn't get a chance to see him in the same light as I did. Enlightening the masses was always one of gus' favorite pastimes. I could talk about gus for days. Maybe one day I'll share/inflict some of those stories upon you. Just not today.
The person that I don't talk about and who really started it all was Pete Jensen. Pete was an engineer's engineer. He got his degree from Ga Tech in Mechanical Engineering in '56. True engineering at its finest. He was probably the world's first "computing engineer". That's right computing.. He envisioned the IT field and helped scupt it out of his force of will and sheer determination and persistence. And he did it without most folks even noticing that he was. And without a PhD. Hell, without a Masters degree either. Ya know that word "Chief Information Officer"? That's his idea. And there are
dozens of stories like that that show his influence on the IT landscape. Hell he was the head of the committee that actually coined the phrase "Information Technology" for the United States government.
Pete first noticed me (or my first real interaction with him on a personal level) was when he stopped me in the hallway of the Rich Computing Bldg where the computer science department was housed and asked me "what are you up to?" At the time, I explained to him that I was just picking up some papers from upstairs to grade. He said "No no. You aren't understanding the question. What are you doing?" I looked quite perplexed I'm sure as I *was* quite perplexed t the time. I stammered a bit and repeated what I had said in another way hoping that would distract this strange man and let me get back to what I was doing. Pete chuckled and then asked "When are you proposing?" I stammered again. "Proposing? I'm not even a graduate student. I'm just an undergraduate TA." He replied "Not the correct answer either but it'll do. Carry on." It was confusing and the most he had said to me on a personal level up to that day. However, from then on, he always had an interest in what classes I was taking. Who was I hanging out with. What i thought about new technologies. He was always telling me to go read something that was printed in some journal or conference proceedings. He even provided me with the papers if I showed any interest in them.
I kinda thought of him as the crazy grandfather that collected junk that occasionally had amusing finds. When I was graduating with my undergraduate degree in 1990, he was the one that told me that i should go to graduate school. He even told me to apply and offered to pay for the Graduate Record exam. I had no idea what I was going to do at the time. My GPA was horrid. A 2.3 I think. maybe a 2.4. I had a 3.5 in my major classes though. I was overlooked for most jobs and all my working experience had been with as a Teaching Assistant. Not exactly skills to help you get employed in the mid 80s. So with no other direction, I took his advice and decided to go to graduate school. At the time I didn't realize that my chances of getting into any school were pretty much zero with my grades. I applied for the PhD program. And was rejected. No shock there. I shrugged and was preparing to work the summer at Tech while looking for a job. I got notified by the PhD committee that I had been accepted into the Masters program instead. This was just as the new college of computing was being formed and we had gotten our new dean.
What I did not know is that the only reason I was in the masters program at all was at the express direction of Pete. He was the acting chair of the computer science department and the driving force behind the formation of the College of Computing. And he had decided that he saw something in me that warranted more attention. Now, most of you know me as the gregarious, wise cracking guy. I'm even kinda knowledgeable in some areas. But that is a far cry from what I was back then. As I said, my grades sucked. I was a mediocre student at best. I didn't like to study and I didn't "get it" nearly so much as I *though* that I had gotten it. I did do well in lot of classes, but they were a strange mix. I did well in English and my Linguistics courses. And of course most of my CS courses. but mathematics, physics, statistics, etc which are the mainstays of engineering seemed to elude me in the long run.
Pete apparently thought more of me than I did. He got me into graduate school. I had been brought in on "probation". It meant that if my grades weren't good enough, then they would kick me out. Pete told me not to worry about it. So I didn't. They told him that I wouldn't make it even though they had hoped I would. My GPA my first semester was a 3.7. The highest of my entire academic career. They never questioned me about my grades again. During my 3rd quarter (yes we were on 10 week quarters instead of semesters back then) I was told by Pete to take the Core Exam with the rest of the PhD students. Mind you, I was a masters student effectively. But on the paperwork it still said PhD. Why? Because I never applied to the masters program. So officially the only paperwork of mine that they had was my PhD work. So on the books I was phd. In the department I was a masters student and to me it didn't matter. I was having the time of my life and i didn't have to look for a job :-) Since i had learned by this time to simply do whatever Pete told me, I took the exam. The core exam was effectively a placement exam for all PhD students to determine
if their backgrounds were enough to let them continue PhD students. Back then a LOT of folks were going into computer science that had degrees in other majors. The test supposedly determined if you knew enough undergraduate level CS to be able to start taking masters level computer science courses as part of your PhD program. (Things are much different these days. ) It was a 3 hour test. I stared at it, shrugged and was finished in about an hour. No one else had so much as moved. I assumed that I had flunked it but didn't care. I was just making Pete happy since I wasn't a PhD student anyway.
I found out later that I had passed all sections of the test. Something that only 2 other folks out of the group of 40 students had done. The other two had Masters degrees in computer science from other Universities. They had both also taken the entire three hours to complete the test.
Pete stepped out of the picture at this point and the administration took over. They strongly encouraged me to work on a Phd. They told me that I had to make a decision as what I was going to do. If I was a masters student then I was one of the best they had seen. If I was a PhD student then I was behind schedule since I hadn't been taking a PhD track of classes. (I took classes for the fun of it versus completing requirements). That was a no brainer. I declared myself a masters student so I wouldn't be behind. I thought that was the end of the PhD nonsense. but when I finally finished my masters degree and was trying to figure out again what I was going to do for a living, the PhD coordinator asked me to formally become a PhD student. And this time I accepted.
The rest is a long sordid story that I wont' bore you with here. Its even longer than this one :-) And it doesn't really have a happy ending I'm afraid. As of last December, I withdrew from the PhD program and went my separate ways from GA Tech. I had always been afraid of what Pete would think when he found
out. I bumped into him one day at the College of computing when i was visiting some graduate student that I knew. I feel more than a bit guilty about having bailed. I feel that its sort of a waste of all the energy and effort that Pete had put forth. But when I met him for the first time face to face since I had
made my announcement, He was as jovial and positive as ever. He never so much as hinting at being disappointed with me. He never disagreed with my decision. He told me that we all do what we have to do and we make the best decisions that we can. He told me that everybody puts a lot of effort into what they
really want and eventually they usually get it. At least if they really understand what it is that they really want. The last words he spoke to me were "You'll get where you need to be somehow. The good ones always do." I kinda brushed it off at the time since I was still wallowing in guilt. But I remembered those words recently when another friend of mine cashed a reality check of mine during a brief but intense conversation.
Regret is only for those that haven't thought about the decision long enough. Eventually you realize that its a side effect of hindsight. And the only purpose of hindsight is so that you understand things better the next time around.
The Next time around.
Damn.
Damn!
Damn! Damn! Damn!
Someday. Somehow. Somewhere. I'm gonna get that PhD.
But not because I put so much time into it. And not for my parents and family that sacrificed much financially to help me on my way. And not for gus that trained me to be a teacher. Hell, not even for Pete who set me on my way.
I've got to do it because regret turns into understanding. And understanding needs release. I know how to do this now. I need to test if my theory is right. That's the engineer in me.
I miss you Pete. You set me on my path and trusted me to figure out how to get there. You nudged and guided but never forced. And you offered a friendly voice and an engineer's mind to any problem I had. I wish I had spent more time with you in the last few years to see if I could glean any more knowledge from
you. Or just spend more time sitting on your back porch and enjoy your wonderful companionship. There wasn't a worry in the world when I was there.
In truth, I just wish I had a chance to tell you that I finally have have the answer to the first question you ever asked me. After all this time, I think I finally get it.
"What are you up to Vernard?"
"Learning."
small compared to those that were my influences. Also, a part of me thinks that when you totally understand something that it doesn't need to be expounded upon. I thought I was pretty much an open book and therefore already understood.
Once you understand where a person comes from you can more easily understand where the might be headed. Understanding me isn't something that I promote. There are much better things to do with your time. But as I think now, maybe its because I don't really know where I'm going and that is a both
exciting and frightening at the same time. So by writing things down, I do better understand myself and perhaps I'll get a better idea of where I'm going.
Mr. Alton P. ("Pete") Jensen, Professor Emeritus of Georgia Tech's College of Computing, died peacefully at home on Sunday, February 6, 2005, at age 79. You can find a link to the press release
here.
This link might not be permanent so I don't know if it will work later. Images of him can be found here.
On November 17th, 2005, there was a tribute to Pete that was held in the Technology Square Research Bldg on 5th Street. I attended. It was a nice ceremony. Very much a celebration of his life. He had an impressive array of speakers including John P. Imlay Jr, Richard DeMillo, Jesse H. Poore, Lucio
Chiaravigilo, Ray Miller, Rich LeBlanc, Phil Enslow, John Gehl and Peter Freeman, Barry James Folsom and John Gehl. Newt Gingrich couldn't be there but tapes a very moving segment that was aired in his absence. If you don't know who those folks are then that is fine. They are the movers and shakers in the
academic IT world and are all centered around GA Tech which was the center of
Pete's life. Except for Newt. He was just a hanger on :-)
Pete is the guy responsible for "V". Deanna Barnes was responsible for the "letter". But Pete is responsible for the myth. Now its not his fault all by his lonesome. He had a lot of help you see. Mythologies like "V" are more than just one person. They are the collective efforts of tons of people. But there has to be someone that actually sparks the fire that starts the blaze. The catalyst. That was Pete. Yeah, and yet you never heard me speak of him before. Don't worry, the best stories are always like that. Bear with me, I'll get back to Pete in a bit.
But anyway, the strongest influenced upon me in my youth were my family. My
father, Charlie Frank Martin, gave me my sense of integrity and moral values
that have stuck with me to this day. I'm very proud of the fact that I'm named
for him: my middle name is "Charles". He used to say, "working smarter instead
of harder is fine but don't be afraid to just work hard."
My mother, Bradell Martin, gave me my sense of love and devotion that has been
both a boon and a curse to my relationships. I hate to give up on someone
simply because they are being stubborn. Relationships are a two way street but i'm silly enough to try to drive on both sides. She also taught me that
sometimes you have to just "whup some ass" to get your point across. Its the
only language some people will understand.
My grandmother, Cleotha Dennis ni Allison, gave me unconditional love and
instilled a sense of spirituality in me as a young child that started
me on my path towards spiritual enlightenment. It is a path that I still
travel today although I'm not quite sure she would recognize it were she alive
to see me. She also gave me habit of collection people as it goes. She called
them strays. My grandmother never met a stranger and I'm pretty much the same
way. She was the also the person that first got me into my love of
"preaching".
My brother Vincent gave me my twisted sense of humor and love for all things
fantastical and technological. I was both his sidekick and his equal at the
same time. He taught me how to be who I was and challenged me to be that
person every day of my life. Even when he didn't agree with who that person was.
My uncle Jimmy gave me my sense of adventure. He was the "never-do-well"
member of my family and also the one most like to call you from a jail in some
remote part of the world asking to be bailed out. Or steel your shoes before
he sneaked out of your house not to be seen for another year or two. He's dead
now. Died of infection from multiple knife wounds. Apparently he owed someone
money and hadn't paid them back. So they gave him some "reminders".
Now some say that friends are the family that we choose for ourselves. Strangely enough, it is sometimes the other way around. The folks that choose us become our friends and then family. There are bunch of folks in that category for me. But the most influential ones are few.
Mrs. Ida Burdette, gave me my sense of learning. She was the teacher of the gifted program in my small school system in Hogansville. She was the on that rescued me from the learning disabled program. I had tested for the gifted program and scored horribly. I mean really really horribly. They temporarily
placed me in the learning disabled because they thought I was dyslexic. There is nothing like being in the room with the folks that are drooling on themselves or throwing chairs through windows to make you feel "special". After 3 months there, they found there mistake and put me back into the normal classes. 9 months later, Mrs. Burdette made them test me again because she was positive that there was still some mistake and I pretty much aced the tests. So i started the Gifted program a year later than my peers. Apparently they had learned Spanish the year before and I had no clue what they were speaking when I arrived. But after a few months with the learning disabled kids, I could handle just about anything :-) In any event, she encouraged my imagination. She made it ok to be a geek (but not a nerd). She forced all of
us to have decent social skills and would not let us sit in our own little holes and just be "smart". She encouraged us to be people. When she retired, the gifted program was never the same again. I think most of us voluntarily chose to exit the Gifted program during the 10th grade since the new teachers just didn't "click" with us. I stayed in out of respect for Mrs. Burdette. Its what she would have wanted me to do. I think in the end, I was one of only 5 students out of 13 to stay in the program through graduation. And unfortunately the only Black out of the 4 that were in my class. I don't know know if that
made a difference in our lives in comparison but it certainly made a difference to me.
Scott Pfeffer and Byron Jeff. Two graduate students in the College of Computing. Heh. I'm sure that both of them would be truly amazed to find that I list them here. Scott was an uber geek. I mean so geek that other geeks though he was geeky. Probably also a nerd as well but its hard to tell as my opinion of nerds have changed over the decades. He was the one always showing me neat programming tricks on the HP 2620 terminal stations. He was the one that first showed me how what a UNIX shell "ksh" and how it was different from the toned down "freshmen shell" that I was using for my classes. He overwhelmed me with knowledge I couldn't understand but nevertheless thirsted to try and absorb. Scott and I lost contact after I graduated. He had some severe mental anxiety for years but finally managed to get himself re-centered. He now lives in Israel with his wife and child. He is still one of the smartest people I know
and I'm very glad that we have managed to re-connect after all those years.
One of Scott's best friends was Byron Jeff. Byron was like a big old teddy bear lumbering around the computer science building. He had an infectioussmile and laugh. I suspect my own grin is just a mimic of his in many respects. He took the time to explain all the things that Scott was slinging at my at near light speed and convert it into something that I could understand. I learned to program under his tutelage and first got my taste of being a teaching assistant. It was due to his recommendation that I got my first Teaching Assistant job as well. It was as a FORTRAN TA for John J. Goda. I didn't even know FORTRAN at the time. But Professor Goda, Byron and Scott all felt I knew enough to handle it. Turns out that I did. Go figure ;-) I still have a very healthy respect for the programming language FORTRAN to this day. Byron and I are still close to this day. I was the best man at his wedding and I worked with him for a couple of years down at Clayton State University. I was instrumental in helping him finish up his PhD and he is the closest thing to a brother I have outside of my genuine siblings.
And there is gus. Those of you at GA Tech know that William Augustus Baird (called gus at his own request) was my mentor during my undergraduate days. Anyone that has seen me teach a class knows that he is the number one influence on my teaching style. He is the reason that I want to teach college undergrads. Graduate school is where all the work gets done but undergraduate is where the learning gets done. And the more you teach, the more you learn. gus died many years ago from a heart problem. Strangely enough, he had survived a triple-bypass just a few weeks earlier and was well on his way to total recovery. Alas, his spirit was willing but the flesh was weak. I got the opportunity to speak at gus memorial service and it was both one the hardest things I've had to do in my life and also one of the most fulfilling. I got to share my memories of a man that strongly influenced my life for better or worse. And I got to hopefully show some of the better parts of him to folks that didn't get a chance to see him in the same light as I did. Enlightening the masses was always one of gus' favorite pastimes. I could talk about gus for days. Maybe one day I'll share/inflict some of those stories upon you. Just not today.
The person that I don't talk about and who really started it all was Pete Jensen. Pete was an engineer's engineer. He got his degree from Ga Tech in Mechanical Engineering in '56. True engineering at its finest. He was probably the world's first "computing engineer". That's right computing.. He envisioned the IT field and helped scupt it out of his force of will and sheer determination and persistence. And he did it without most folks even noticing that he was. And without a PhD. Hell, without a Masters degree either. Ya know that word "Chief Information Officer"? That's his idea. And there are
dozens of stories like that that show his influence on the IT landscape. Hell he was the head of the committee that actually coined the phrase "Information Technology" for the United States government.
Pete first noticed me (or my first real interaction with him on a personal level) was when he stopped me in the hallway of the Rich Computing Bldg where the computer science department was housed and asked me "what are you up to?" At the time, I explained to him that I was just picking up some papers from upstairs to grade. He said "No no. You aren't understanding the question. What are you doing?" I looked quite perplexed I'm sure as I *was* quite perplexed t the time. I stammered a bit and repeated what I had said in another way hoping that would distract this strange man and let me get back to what I was doing. Pete chuckled and then asked "When are you proposing?" I stammered again. "Proposing? I'm not even a graduate student. I'm just an undergraduate TA." He replied "Not the correct answer either but it'll do. Carry on." It was confusing and the most he had said to me on a personal level up to that day. However, from then on, he always had an interest in what classes I was taking. Who was I hanging out with. What i thought about new technologies. He was always telling me to go read something that was printed in some journal or conference proceedings. He even provided me with the papers if I showed any interest in them.
I kinda thought of him as the crazy grandfather that collected junk that occasionally had amusing finds. When I was graduating with my undergraduate degree in 1990, he was the one that told me that i should go to graduate school. He even told me to apply and offered to pay for the Graduate Record exam. I had no idea what I was going to do at the time. My GPA was horrid. A 2.3 I think. maybe a 2.4. I had a 3.5 in my major classes though. I was overlooked for most jobs and all my working experience had been with as a Teaching Assistant. Not exactly skills to help you get employed in the mid 80s. So with no other direction, I took his advice and decided to go to graduate school. At the time I didn't realize that my chances of getting into any school were pretty much zero with my grades. I applied for the PhD program. And was rejected. No shock there. I shrugged and was preparing to work the summer at Tech while looking for a job. I got notified by the PhD committee that I had been accepted into the Masters program instead. This was just as the new college of computing was being formed and we had gotten our new dean.
What I did not know is that the only reason I was in the masters program at all was at the express direction of Pete. He was the acting chair of the computer science department and the driving force behind the formation of the College of Computing. And he had decided that he saw something in me that warranted more attention. Now, most of you know me as the gregarious, wise cracking guy. I'm even kinda knowledgeable in some areas. But that is a far cry from what I was back then. As I said, my grades sucked. I was a mediocre student at best. I didn't like to study and I didn't "get it" nearly so much as I *though* that I had gotten it. I did do well in lot of classes, but they were a strange mix. I did well in English and my Linguistics courses. And of course most of my CS courses. but mathematics, physics, statistics, etc which are the mainstays of engineering seemed to elude me in the long run.
Pete apparently thought more of me than I did. He got me into graduate school. I had been brought in on "probation". It meant that if my grades weren't good enough, then they would kick me out. Pete told me not to worry about it. So I didn't. They told him that I wouldn't make it even though they had hoped I would. My GPA my first semester was a 3.7. The highest of my entire academic career. They never questioned me about my grades again. During my 3rd quarter (yes we were on 10 week quarters instead of semesters back then) I was told by Pete to take the Core Exam with the rest of the PhD students. Mind you, I was a masters student effectively. But on the paperwork it still said PhD. Why? Because I never applied to the masters program. So officially the only paperwork of mine that they had was my PhD work. So on the books I was phd. In the department I was a masters student and to me it didn't matter. I was having the time of my life and i didn't have to look for a job :-) Since i had learned by this time to simply do whatever Pete told me, I took the exam. The core exam was effectively a placement exam for all PhD students to determine
if their backgrounds were enough to let them continue PhD students. Back then a LOT of folks were going into computer science that had degrees in other majors. The test supposedly determined if you knew enough undergraduate level CS to be able to start taking masters level computer science courses as part of your PhD program. (Things are much different these days. ) It was a 3 hour test. I stared at it, shrugged and was finished in about an hour. No one else had so much as moved. I assumed that I had flunked it but didn't care. I was just making Pete happy since I wasn't a PhD student anyway.
I found out later that I had passed all sections of the test. Something that only 2 other folks out of the group of 40 students had done. The other two had Masters degrees in computer science from other Universities. They had both also taken the entire three hours to complete the test.
Pete stepped out of the picture at this point and the administration took over. They strongly encouraged me to work on a Phd. They told me that I had to make a decision as what I was going to do. If I was a masters student then I was one of the best they had seen. If I was a PhD student then I was behind schedule since I hadn't been taking a PhD track of classes. (I took classes for the fun of it versus completing requirements). That was a no brainer. I declared myself a masters student so I wouldn't be behind. I thought that was the end of the PhD nonsense. but when I finally finished my masters degree and was trying to figure out again what I was going to do for a living, the PhD coordinator asked me to formally become a PhD student. And this time I accepted.
The rest is a long sordid story that I wont' bore you with here. Its even longer than this one :-) And it doesn't really have a happy ending I'm afraid. As of last December, I withdrew from the PhD program and went my separate ways from GA Tech. I had always been afraid of what Pete would think when he found
out. I bumped into him one day at the College of computing when i was visiting some graduate student that I knew. I feel more than a bit guilty about having bailed. I feel that its sort of a waste of all the energy and effort that Pete had put forth. But when I met him for the first time face to face since I had
made my announcement, He was as jovial and positive as ever. He never so much as hinting at being disappointed with me. He never disagreed with my decision. He told me that we all do what we have to do and we make the best decisions that we can. He told me that everybody puts a lot of effort into what they
really want and eventually they usually get it. At least if they really understand what it is that they really want. The last words he spoke to me were "You'll get where you need to be somehow. The good ones always do." I kinda brushed it off at the time since I was still wallowing in guilt. But I remembered those words recently when another friend of mine cashed a reality check of mine during a brief but intense conversation.
Regret is only for those that haven't thought about the decision long enough. Eventually you realize that its a side effect of hindsight. And the only purpose of hindsight is so that you understand things better the next time around.
The Next time around.
Damn.
Damn!
Damn! Damn! Damn!
Someday. Somehow. Somewhere. I'm gonna get that PhD.
But not because I put so much time into it. And not for my parents and family that sacrificed much financially to help me on my way. And not for gus that trained me to be a teacher. Hell, not even for Pete who set me on my way.
I've got to do it because regret turns into understanding. And understanding needs release. I know how to do this now. I need to test if my theory is right. That's the engineer in me.
I miss you Pete. You set me on my path and trusted me to figure out how to get there. You nudged and guided but never forced. And you offered a friendly voice and an engineer's mind to any problem I had. I wish I had spent more time with you in the last few years to see if I could glean any more knowledge from
you. Or just spend more time sitting on your back porch and enjoy your wonderful companionship. There wasn't a worry in the world when I was there.
In truth, I just wish I had a chance to tell you that I finally have have the answer to the first question you ever asked me. After all this time, I think I finally get it.
"What are you up to Vernard?"
"Learning."
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Thanks for the recollections.
Date: 2007-01-12 05:36 am (UTC)Your recollections and those of others posting here mean a lot to me. My father always seemed to know just what the right questions were to ask - then it was up to you to learn.
Keep on learning!
Allen Jensen
Re: Thanks for the recollections.
Date: 2007-01-15 06:53 am (UTC)Your father was a great man in all the ways that men can be great. And the fact that he continues to inspires others after his passing only serves to confirm this fact.
I truly do miss him. I'm just grateful to have run into him in my life.
Re: Thanks for the recollections.
Date: 2007-08-19 04:22 pm (UTC)I want to thank you profusely for the wonderful recollection of your encounters with Professor Jensen. He was also a driving force in my world as well. I remember sitting and talking with him in my youth and questioning him on all the amazing things he had collected in the years before I knew him. Professor Jensen opened a world to me that I had only scratched at the surface of. I learned from him that knowledge and intellect must be balanced with a life lived outside the mind, one lived in the now and, most importantly, in the what might be. I am entering into a Master's program next spring (albeit nowhere near the realm of comupter science) with the eventual hope of becoming a teacher like Professor Jensen. I imagine one might say it was inevitable for me to be influenced by him: he gave me an enduring nickname (onw I won't boor you with here) not too long after I was born. Incidentally, I never called him "Professor," because to me he was (and always will be) "Uncle Pete."
His great-nephew, Richard.